Acceptable Times to Free-Associate

When you are a keynote speaker at a deconstructionist’s convention. During a psychotherapy session. This includes de facto sessions such as when you mindlessly prattle on to the person in the next cubical. When you are caught by a loved one in a big lie. If free-associating doesn’t confuse them, they might assume you […]

Uses For a Sharpie You’ve Never Heard of

Permanent eye-liner so that one might look like the guy from the Cure… or Jack Sparrow… or Amy Winehouse. The list goes on and on… and then it stops kind of abruptly. Drawing melanoma on your body. Why? Dermatologist waiting rooms chock full of Southern Living magazines. Drawing mustaches on women’s faces in ads. […]

Things Guaranteed to Turn Out Badly

A fat guy, a bicycle and a ramp. Borrowing money from a guy named “No-nose Morelli”. Gift baskets of fugu. Children’s toys shaped like exposed high voltage electrical wiring. Cherry-flavored hard candy with a soft center made of sugar, gelatin and chicken pox. A “1-900” suicide hot-line number. Rattlesnake roundups for the blind. Buying […]

Fun Facts About Thanksgiving!

In 1863, during the Civil War, President Abraham Lincoln officially made Thanksgiving a national holiday. Celebrants could be thankful for their food, family and the fact that they hadn’t been killed by gangrene or mortar shells, yet. Lincoln wouldn’t let the Confederacy have Thanksgiving until they stopped being thankful for slaves and, to a […]

Reasons to Go to a Museum

It’s raining outside and the museum is the nearest shelter. You have visitation with your children on Saturday and your lawyers have recommended against you leaving them in the car outside that sex dungeon that you like. Legendary museum restaurant food. It gives you a chance to determine, through experiment, how long you have […]