Still More Stuff I Miss

West African Black Rhinoceros: This creature went extinct a couple of decades ago due to it being poached for its horn. The horn, when powdered, is supposed to have amazing sexual recuperative powers. I will miss them because I am down to two doses and the holidays are coming up. Pencil Sharpeners: No matter how […]

Still Still More Advice from my Great Grandpappy

It’s best to avoid renting an apartment that has the term “urine-soaked” anywhere in the description. Never buy hamburger from a bad-tempered butcher. The rule of thumb is: For every two zucchini plants you grow, you should make one new friend who really likes eating zucchini. If your landlord stops by to pick up the […]

The First Things I’ll Do After Covid

Kiss the first person I see, on the mouth, like that sailor from that famous photograph taken on VJ Day. Shave. Put my pants on. Actually, I should probably do THAT BEFORE I kiss the first person I see, on the mouth, like that sailor from that famous photograph taken on VJ Day. I will […]

In Praise of Older Women

Older women are no longer looking for “Mr. Right” or “Mr. Acceptable”. They are looking for “Mr. Anybody Because My Last Egg is about to Drop”. I am that anybody! As I get older and tire more easily, older women sleep less and have more energy; because, menopause is nature’s methamphetamine… Older women like to […]

In Praise of Younger Women

With younger women, there is far less likelihood of a conversation about her clogged bile duct. A younger woman can use your rambling, go-nowhere stories of your youth in her history class. Younger women make great “trophy wives”; but, never EVER have one engraved. A young girlfriend destroys the confidence of your ex-wife to the […]