Pickup Lines that have Always Failed Me

I’d like to do a tarot reading for you but I’ll need a drop of your blood or saliva. . Wanna come back to my place and listen to Devo while I teach you how to buy real estate with no money down? . I’ve never told anyone this, but I poisoned a horse once. […]

Let Chaos Reign!!!

Chaos is from the Greek entity, “Kaos”, something which was not a god, but existed before time. Along with Kaos were Lux (light), Nox (night or darkness) and Sly (Sylvester Stallone). It refers to a time when, as the Bible would say, “…the earth was without form…”. Note that I only used five consequetive words […]

More Random but Very Valid Thoughts

If I ever write a song about a woman, I don’t think I’ll mention her eyes because, if she had an accident and her eyes got burned out or dissolved by acid, I’d just have to write a new song. It’s hard to say which is worse: A stomach flu or a tidal wave. On […]

What’s Wrong with Blondes? This:

From what I’ve read, if you pay a blonde to paint your porch, she will paint your sports car, instead… . Blondes remind me of Edgar Winter Group which reminds me of the albino I kept in my basement as a child. He taught me philosophy, French and logic as the two of us worked […]

The Only Good Reasons to Own Snakes

No one pays attention to your tattoos and piercings any more. Sometimes you just need the love, affection and caring that can only come from a cold-blooded reptile with a brain the size of a watch battery. You live in a trailer-park in Florida and just want to fit in. Escaped boas and pythons breeding […]