Evil Charities that Piggyback on Other Charities

Habitat Against Humanity: Average people get together to build crack-houses, black-ops prison camps and crooked retirement homes for those who are obviously less fortunate. Salvation Coast Guard: Pretty much the same as the Salvation Army except can only operate a dozen or so miles offshore. Please… give until we board and search your boat… March […]

All I Want for Christmas

An astronaut helmet that will fit a horse. A box of chocolate-covered sugar-free caramels. A stick that has two notches for each time I’ve carved a notch into it. A retirement plan that I can buy into with gravel and weeds. A six-speed sports car; three of those speeds must be neutral. A partridge in […]

Pirate Hierarchy

Captain: The captain of a pirate ship was responsible for organizing the ship as a whole. His word was final, unless he said that his word was not final… if so, you’d better have listened because his word was final (pirates were more than capable of creating paradoxes). He also dealt out wisdom in the […]

Tips for Performing an Exorcism

1. Nothing is more embarrassing than chanting, “The power of Christ compels you” and then finding out that, in this case, it doesn’t. 2. When the demon raises the bed three feet above the floor, check under the bed. Sometimes the reason for a demonic possession is simply a lost bedroom slipper. 3. When the […]

Amputee Pony-girl Gone Bad

To Whom It May Concern: I have been considering working in the genre of erotic fiction for some time now. Lately, it has become even more imperative that I “branch out” so to speak because my current employment appears to be on shaky ground. There are cut-backs, the economy is bad and, every so often, […]