Thoughts on Communism that Hit the Marx

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“Hold on!  Anyone see a contact lens?”

From each according to his ability, to each according to his need? What makes you think you understand MY needs? Sometimes, I just need to be held…

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In communist nations, you are free to hold your own opinions on political systems and they are free to prosecute you for those opinions.

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Think of five-year and seven-year plans as New Year’s resolutions that are made FOR you…

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Communists don’t have a book of beliefs; they have a “manifesto”. You never hear, “Finally. The best-selling manifesto becomes a blockbuster movie”… although, if you did, it would probably have Scarlett Johansson in it because why not?

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Marx said that religion was the opiate of the people; but, take my word for it, hydrocodone is WAY more effective against kidney stones.

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Somalia turned to communism in 1969 and became the Somali Democratic Republic. If you consider the legislature was dissolved and that they only had one president for 25 years, the term “Democratic” was probably just well-thought-out sarcasm…

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Communism doesn’t believe in private property; however, even in a communist nation, your underwear belongs to you alone…

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A lot of early critics of Marx felt that sexual relationships would devolve into a “community of women”, i.e. women being used sexually in a common group. Most saw through this as obvious propaganda; but, I’d imagine that some people spent their first days in the USSR and Cuba, VERY disappointed…

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Karl Marx propagated the idea of an “end of history”, a communist utopia where the interplay of material forces would come to an end; however, the communist government of the USSR fell in the late 1980’s. Did this mean that they had to run out and get some historians because history was happening again? And, did those historians ignore the previous communist events in Russia because history had ended for a while?

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In a communist society, couples will no longer be able to fight about money or careers; they will, however, be free to fight about the frequency of the husband’s visits to the big pile of commonly-used women just outside the airport.

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Communists don’t play golf so they have to actually be taught how to swear.

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Every communist knows the joke about the priest, the rabbi and the minister; but, they seldom repeat it because, as I said, religion is the opiate of the people, and drug-humor is wrong…

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16 thoughts on “Thoughts on Communism that Hit the Marx

  1. When I was younger I used to have a book of Soviet humor. Here was my favorite joke from the Stalinist era.

    Guy goes to the newsstand, buys a paper, doesn’t open it, curses loudly, throws the paper to the ground and stomps on it.

    This happens day after day, week after week.

    Finally, the news dealer says to the guy, “How come every day you buy the paper, don’t even open it, and then throw it down, cursing??”

    The guy replies, “I’m looking for an obituary.”

    The news dealer puzzled, patiently explains that the obits are on the next to last page, inside the paper.

    The guy responds, “Not the one I’m looking for, Comrade, not the one I’m looking for.”

    Liked by 1 person

  2. There have not been a “real” communism! Some people kept the people in fear / terror for themselves to live like capitalists! Communism’s idea is that ALL should be equal, has it ever been in the former Soviet Union, or in Cuba, or in …
    I grow up in Sweden in the 70´s and we always heard that Sweden was the best country in the world, best healthcare, etc. Both I and other mates believed it. We had a Social Democratic government for many decades, but now that you have grown up, you understand that their real politics were closer to the communist …

    Liked by 1 person

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