One Star An Affront to God and Some of God’s Friends
What can I say? I found his prose to be cloying, his plot points lacking and his client not guilty by reason of insanity. I found his metaphors on species to be labored and his metaphors on labor to be specious. The book is horrible on all counts making it the best satire I’ve ever read.
Two Stars: Did Not Enjoy the Experience
Now, some of this might not be the author’s fault; but, while reading his book on the train, I got into an argument with a dwarf, who, I found out, prefers the term “little person”. He suddenly kicked me, although he prefers the term “foot-punched”. My day was utterly ruined; whereas, his day and the day of the two teenage girls I was leering at were probably made just a little better. On reflection, the assault and subsequent applause wasn’t the book’s fault, but the book made little effort to stop it, either.
Three Stars: Good and Bad
On the one hand, this book is well-written; on the other hand, it is TOO well written. I didn’t feel comfortable reading it without a tie. The characters are interesting and compelling; however, the bulk of the interesting characters are killed at the end of the first chapter by a city-sized boulder with the words Deus Ex Machina inscribed on it. The ending was surprising because a character who is supposed to be dead, comes back and because the last chapter is written entirely in Finnish.
In short, I’ll probably never buy a copy of any future books this author writes but I’m open to buy more copies of the books I already own.
Four Stars: So Bad that it’s Great!
I read this book over Spring Break after my composition teacher recommended it as an example of how NOT to write. It was HILARIOUS! It was even better while high. He uses the word “slovenly” twelve times in ONE paragraph despite the fact that he clearly doesn’t know what it means. One of his sentences is four pages long and, at the end of that sentence, you find out that the sentence was “all a dream anyway”. If this had been marketed as a deconstructionist novel, the author would be teaching at Harvard right now with a Nobel in Literature under his belt.
I actually met the author and he was a class act. He promised to stop punching me if I promised to stop pointing and laughing. Later, he autographed my girlfriend’s right breast even though neither of us really asked him to…
Five Stars: A Miracle of a Masterpiece of a Literary Standard by a Writer Who I Clearly Don’t Know
This book changed my life, in many ways for the better. It’s a sweeping epic with themes so universal that they probably transcend the universe, language and time itself. Anyone who says that this is a “fine” book deserves to be beaten to death with a burlap bag full of oranges. The Oxford Dictionary should hold an emergency meeting to come up with an adjective strong enough to describe how great this masterwork is.
I look very much forward to reading beyond the first five pages…
It transcends genius to the point of idiocy 😊
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You are NOT allowed to review my book!
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Why?
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You’re a loose cannon, Deb Whittam!
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When I read this book I laughed and laughed, though it turns out it was meant to be serious…
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For my book it would be “This book actually made me weep freely. Too bad it was meant to be humorous”…
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Diana Rigg once wrote a whole book about awful theater reviews called No Turn Unstoned:
https://www.amazon.com/No-Turn-Unstoned-Theatrical-Reviews/dp/0385188625
It’s very funny.
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I’ll check it out. I loved her in The Avengers and Theatre of Blood. Hated her in A Midsummernight’s Dream…
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I am looking forward to it! I am imagining humor of all kinds – primarily the foot punching sort 🙂
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There will be foot punching… even in the preface…
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Yay!!!
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I thought you were working on a modern-day interpretation of the dictionary?
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I did a series on new words in the Oxford Dictionary for someone. Among my first writings on the internet…
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I read the dictionary once . . . I thought it was a book about everything.
I can’t remember the comedian that said that.
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I know Stephen Wright said, “I read the dictionary, cover to cover… turns out, the zebra did it”
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Mentally preparing yourself, I see…
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Well, I DO plan on writing most of the reviews for my book, so I might as well practice…
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That is a solid marketing plan.
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It’s unanimous then… don’t give up your day job.
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I hope my boss feels the same way…
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let me guess, you are the three-star guy? 😂
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No, the four-star…
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you said it only to disagree with me… right? 😂
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You think I’m the kind of guy to do that?
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Title and where to find it, please. I just started following your blog…
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I’ll let you know when it is published…
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four star guys are the ones who have really read the book, less then four never complete and are prejudiced and fives are never right, but why the right one?
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I agree with you, ESP: Too many people click on the extremes for reviews when everything has SOME merit and nothing is perfect…
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