Monitor lizards stand on their hind legs to look out for predators. Herpetologists agree that this is why, of all reptiles, the monitor lizard is the best at basketball.
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Most monitor lizards have a poisonous saliva developed from generations of eating Thai food.
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Monitor lizards are excellent swimmers but they are only mediocre sword fighters and terrible after dinner speakers.
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Monitor lizards, unlike most other lizards, cannot regenerate their tails if they lose them; they simply have their trousers altered.
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Some species of monitor lizard can live to be thirty years old… so, if you get one elected to the U. S. Senate, encourage it to push its agenda as strongly as possible in its first year.
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Monitor lizards are the smartest lizards in the animal kingdom, but how far can they coast on that?
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The largest lizard is the Komodo Dragon, a species of monitor lizard. They live on the island of Komodo. Herpetologists do NOT think this is a coincidence…
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Male monitor lizards often have to fight other males to mate with a female; then, they often have to fight the female to mate with her. It seems counter-productive, but, if a monitor lizard was trying to mate with you, you’d have serious reservations too, I’ll bet.
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Monitor lizards have around ten offspring per clutch of eggs: One firstborn, one youngest and eight disappointing middle children who’ll never amount to anything.
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Scientists agree that, of all reptiles, the monitor lizard looks the most like Jeff Goldblum.
Potatoes and the Promise of More Potatoes 
Give him a pair of sunglasses and I see Goldblum shining through! I think the males go for this look come mating season.
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A lot of people love the monitor lizard’s lean hipster style and non-threatening masculinity…
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Monitor lizard basketball does not receive the attention it deserves.
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It has gotten more interesting since they included the three-point shot…
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Damn I shouldn’t have booked that monitor lizard speaker.
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If it is Senator Monitor you booked, it might be somewhat interesting…
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This almost confirms that the leaders of the free world who write laws trying to enslave you are, in fact, alien lizards. Not actually Monitor lizards, but close enough.
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Well, they monitor our every movement…
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Pretty vicious creatures. We saw one take down a kangaroo on our travels round Australia
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I worked for a woman whose brother raised one when they were teenagers. Her dog walked into the backyard, one day, and the monitor chased it down and killed it.
But, a kangaroo? That’s impressive!
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They are surprisingly fast
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That’s what she told me: Her dog was dead before anyone could react.
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