Why We NEED to Find Life on Other Planets

We will be able to learn a lot from their ancient civilization and they might also be delicious.

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We need someone to blame our economy on.

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If I piss off everyone here on Earth, I’ll need a couch to sleep on…

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Sigourney Weaver needs the exercise.

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We could invite them to join the Confederacy of Planets; and, by the time they’ve learned our language and looked up what the “Confederacy” was, most of them will already be in chains picking our tomatoes.

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It would show that we aren’t alone in the universe, which is good because we here on Earth are really getting on each other’s nerves.

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We might finally find a living creature who can eat scrapple.

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If they are tall, very strong and blue, we could breed with them to produce offspring that, if they aren’t tall and strong, will at least be a lot easier to spot in a crowd at the mall.

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We could teach them the history of mankind, carefully omitting what we tend to do to indigenous natives.

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If we tell them that our plastic waste and disposable diapers are our currency, they might let us dump them on their planet.

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If they are underwater life forms, meeting them will be as simple as finding out what they eat and putting it on a hook.