The Lion that Induced Vomiting

Thanks to Deb Whittam for the photo

Once upon a time, when humans and animals coexisted, there was a lion named “Spiro” who worked for a large insurance firm. He was a hard worker, conscientious and clean; but, he had one little fault: He made anyone in his presence want to throw up.

Spiro performed his job well and his in-box was never full for very long… at least not full of work assignments. But, no one in his office could bear to be near him due to the nausea he educed. After the janitorial staff quit, en masse, to work a less disgusting job, sorting medical waste, Spiro’s manager, a wildebeest named “Isaac Gnuton”, decided something had to be done.

Gnuton walked into the big boss’ office. “Sir, you HAVE to fire Spiro”

“The lion? He’s our best worker”

“It can’t be helped”, replied Isaac, “There are special circumstances”

“Damn your circumstances!”, interjected the boss, “Look at this productivity chart compared to the others in the same office. He does TWICE the work they do”

“That’s because everyone else in the office spends the day vomiting”

“That’s an odd use of their time”

“IT’S BECAUSE SPIRO MAKES THEM WANT TO THROW UP”, Mr. Gnuton shouted. He calmed himself quickly and added, “It’s not his fault… but, it’s affecting morale”

“I can’t fire him”, said the boss, “We just gave him employee of the year with a gala dinner”

“And, do you remember what happened? Everyone got violently ill”

The boss stroked his chin, “Hmm… I thought it was the shrimp cocktail”

“It’s imperative that you get rid of Spiro”

The boss crossed his arms and looked back stonily, “It’ll be a cold day in Hell with snowball fights and sledding before I fire this good man… this model employee… this… friend I have known for years”

“He could leave us open to a dozen or so lawsuits”, offered Gnuton.

“He’ll be gone by noon, tomorrow”, replied the boss.

It was ten o’clock the next day and Spiro was standing in the boss’ office while waiting for the pronouncement that he was sacked; but, before the boss could do anything, an employee ran into his office and announced that the boss’ daughter, who worked as a receptionist, had accidentally consumed a quart of toner fluid. The two ran over to her and saw her holding her stomach and hallucinating violently. As soon as Spiro was close enough to be sensed, the boss’ daughter suddenly threw up all of the toner and was immediately back to normal… except, for a few days, she could copy documents with her mouth.

The boss was so happy, he gave Spiro his own office, away from his fellow employees. And, that worked out just swell until he tried out for the company volleyball team…

Moral: Just because something makes you sick, doesn’t mean it’s bad for you.