How to Wake Up Without Caffeine

Feeling groggy when waking up

Get Moving: Any form of activity will help wake you up… especially groggily falling downstairs, which is inevitable without your morning coffee.

Morning Exercise: Try running. Because nothing wakes you up quicker than a torn Achilles tendon.

Take an Ice-Cold Shower: The coldness of the water will preserve your body after the inevitable heart attack you’ll get from taking a cold shower first thing in the morning.

Take a Nice Stretch: Arms over your head, on your toes and stretch. This will accelerate the waking process especially when you stick your hands into the ceiling fan.

Make Your Bed: This gets you active; and, you are less likely to fall back into a bed you’ve just made. It will force you downstairs to go back to sleep on your couch or recliner.

Don’t Go from Bed to Computer: Unless you have created a list of ways to wake up without caffeine and want to get it published on-line before five o’clock.

Curb Alcohol Consumption: Avoiding alcohol may not help you wake up without caffeine but it MIGHT help you wake up in your own home. Plus, we’re all a little worried about you…

Cocaine: Yes, it’s addictive and a really bad idea but powdered cocaine reminds us of the 1980’s and the 1980’s are pretty hot right now… right? How great was Men at Work?

Plan Your Day: Before you open your eyes, plan your entire day, each task another item. Then, open your eyes, make your bed, run downstairs and put your hand into the ceiling fan.

Ask Someone to Wake you: Someone who won’t take “no” for an answer. Someone you can depend upon. Someone with access to a cattle prod.

16 thoughts on “How to Wake Up Without Caffeine

  1. I do my weights within three minutes of waking up. It’s great, you’re brains so numb you don’t even realise you’re doing them.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I read on some weight loss sight that taking a cold shower in the morning would boost your metabolism and help you to burn more calories. I didn’t make it 30 seconds and just thought the person who came up with that idea was evil. Cold shower devil person!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I remember an old song with these lyrics:

    Wake up! Wake up! You sleepy head.
    Get up! Get up! Get out of bed.
    Cheer up! Cheer up! The sun is red.
    Live! Love! Laugh and be happy!

    Would you believe the song’s title is “WHEN THE RUDE RUDE ROBIN COMES BOB BOB BOBIN ALONG”?

    Liked by 1 person

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