Olio Quartet

There are some people whose dreams foretell the future. My dreams foretell the present; for example, I dreamed once that I was on a cruise ship and I suddenly fell overboard. When I woke up, I was in the ocean and the ship was slowly moving away from me. Another time, I had that dream where I was naked in physics class and no one noticed. When I woke up, I was naked in a physics class and no one was noticing… because engineering students focus THAT hard. Predicting the present is great because it is just as accurate as predicting the past without the need for a long-term memory… which is a godsend at my age…

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Some people value money over their friends and family and, for good reason: With money, you can always buy new friends and your family is stuck with you regardless. Hell, you could probably buy your original friends back cheaply because friends lose eighty percent of their value the minute you drive them off of the lot. Not only that, but any friends you do buy will probably have money. You can use that money to buy more friends and maybe a few more relatives, for organ transplants. This illustrates how abject materialism will allow you to be surrounded by loved ones until the day that you value them too much, your money runs out and they repossess your car. Need someone to give you a ride? Well, you should’ve thought of that BEFORE you decided your friends were important…

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I had a confrontation with a Balrog, last week. It was stealing peaches at the farmer’s market. I realized that, if he got away with it, he’d probably move on to stealing something bigger… like pears. So, I blocked his way and shouted, “You SHALL NOT PASS!”; but, while I was shouting and positioning myself, he slipped by me and drove away before I could get his license plate. He was twelve feet tall, so he should be easy to find… probably drives a convertible. I went back to the farmer he’d stolen from but the farmer said that he didn’t sell peaches and the theft was my imagination. I asked about the Balrog and he told me the Balrog was J. R. R. Tolkein’s imagination. So, to sum up, I went to the farmer’s market, last week and I found, to my delight, that I ACTUALLY HAVE AN IMAGINATION…

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“If that’s my wife, tell her I’m not here… that you haven’t seen me, all night… for days… weeks… In fact, you’ve never seen me. You don’t know me or anyone who looks like me. My name means nothing to you. You aren’t even from around here. Tell her you’re from out of town… a different planet… a humanoid whose blood is not iron but copper-based. It’s details like that that will sell this. You have to BE the extraterrestrial… it’s called “METHOD ACTING”. Just tell her that you’re an alien who just arrived on Earth and you’ve never seen, heard from, smelled or sensed in any way, me or anything of the same species as I am. Tell her that you’ve seen a lot of things in your thousand year life-span but none of them were me. Oh hell! Just hand me the phone and I’LL tell her…”