You aren’t Cut Out to Play Professional Baseball

When is an error more likely to occur in a game? - Beyond the Box Score

Your pitch is so wild that it hits the batter’s wife who is in the stands behind you.

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You’re in the outfield, a ball is hit to you and you shriek, swat it down and hold it under your shoe until someone can come by with a newspaper to kill it.

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Your slides are headfirst, poorly executed and often into the pitcher’s mound.

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You get into an argument with one of the umpires over what Jean Paul Sartre meant when he used the term “anima”.

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At bat, you often get on base but since you don’t run the bases in the same order as everyone else, they nearly always tag you out.

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You run like a geisha. Pitchers will often walk you just to see you run to first base because it is the DAMNDEST thing anyone has ever seen.

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Your slider looks like your fastball which looks like your curve ball which looks like your knuckle ball and all of them make it across the plate on the second or third bounce.

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The team retires your number because they suspect it is cursed.

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A fly ball has been hit between yourself and the center fielder. The center fielder calls out, “I’ve got it!” and you call out, “You’ve been kind of cold and distant lately is there something wrong?”

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They send you to the minor leagues where your skills atrophy and you slowly fade into obscurity; or worse, they trade you to a Canadian team…

17 thoughts on “You aren’t Cut Out to Play Professional Baseball

      1. Speaking as the Platonic ideal of masculinity, I have to say that I do neither. I have to say that, but that doesn’t mean it’s true…

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  1. Were you at that game when I was in the outfield and ran away from the ball, screaming like a lunatic? Because that sounds like me. In real life, I never want to play catch, so when a kid throws a ball at me I just let it bounce off. If I were to catch the ball then I would be engaging in the game I do not wish to play. Comical? Maybe. Painful? A little bit. But I am standing my own ground!

    Liked by 1 person

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