How to relax

4 Easy Ways to Relax Instantly

First, know what relaxes you. This is a message from the Massachusetts Institute for the Bleeding Obvious.

Remember: You can develop a dependency on tranquilizers, so if you start using them, be sure you have a hefty supply to feed your inevitable addiction.

Sometimes, relaxation is simply a matter of going to your “special place”… a place in your mind where you can just take it easy. And look! It’s been purchased and gentrified and you are no longer allowed in. How relaxed are you, now?

For some, a hot bath brings about relaxation… but, it almost never works on your cat.

Stress comes from anticipating the worst. Visualize the best possible thing that can happen and work towards that. The very worst thing will STILL happen but at least it will be a surprise…

For relaxing, a guided meditation is twice as effective as doing nothing and five times more effective than banging two pieces of shale together.

Some experts recommend relaxing your body one piece at a time… first your feet, then your legs, then your torso, etc. Just remember to stop at relaxing your own body and don’t lose track and start relaxing pieces of the body of the person sitting next to you.

It‘s easy to relax after a session of vigorous, passionate and mutually-satisfying sex; but, I’m sure the kind of sex we normal people have is almost as effective.

Among people who live with homicidal maniacs who get irrationally angry when those around them are stressed, stress is the number one killer.

Yoga is a good way to relax. For those of you who don’t know, yoga is essentially wrestling but, instead of twisting someone’s body to bring about pain, you are twisting your own body.

16 thoughts on “How to relax

  1. I had a dream that our cat went around my bedroom pooping everywhere. I chased her all over in anger and when I thought I caught her it turned out to be a little pig that just stared at me, leaned forward, and peed all over my carpet. Then I woke up, all stressed out. The cat is haunting my special place – and I have never even TRIED to bathe her!

    Liked by 1 person

      1. My cat only did that if I was the only one in the house. She’d freak out and watch me while I slept and then jump on me at random times. I was going to sleep the night and then meet my family the next day, but after a few hours of that, I just left at one in the morning. She scratched my neck something fierce…


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