[This one is kind of autobiographical… tell no one!]
Your dad spends an entire afternoon explaining to you how best to head-butt a bouncer.
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You go to a family wedding and they need a best man and a maid of honor because the bride and groom got into a fist fight with the ones they had.
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Your great-grandmother is forty-five years old.
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Someone in your family has flipped a pickup truck and that pickup truck wasn’t moving at the time.
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You inherit a still from your uncle.
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They catch your aunt in bed with your second cousin and everyone is relieved that neither of them is a cow or a goat.
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Your grandpa turns his old septic tank into a media room…
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At your family reunion, someone gets shot in the leg in a dispute over a can of beer.
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Officially, you are still feuding with the family on the next property over.
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When applying for work, at least two of your cousins has “lap dancing” under special skills.
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Your grandma can spit a watermelon seed through three sheets of saran wrap.
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Two words: Squirrel lasagna.
Potatoes and the Promise of More Potatoes 
Lap dancing on a resume. The redneck version of being a people person. Now let’s talk about that squirrel lasagna…
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Sounds delish, don’t it?
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No, but I have a family of filler waiting for a recipe.
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When the cows and goats prefer the still to beer, lap dance better than your second cousins, and are much too close to your 45 year old great grandmother.
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My 45 year-old great grandmother was a saint!
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Surely the bride and the groom at the family wedding are at least cousins?
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Actually, that one was one of the autobiographical ones. We arrived in Kansas, the bride and groom asked my father to be best man because the bride and groom had gotten into a fist-fight with the best man and maid of honor. The bride had a ton of makeup but you could easily make out the black eye…
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😮
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Good old squirrel lasagna 😋 Actually we don’t have squirrels here. It’s the one small mammal they didn’t bring over here, though the possums probably fill their niche. .. Hmm possum lasagna…
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Now, THAT sounds good, Joanne. They eat possums up in the hills, here. You haven’t lived until you’ve eaten a serving of possum pie!
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Great timing … Just so happens we had squirrel lasagna last night … and thanks for a bit of autobiography.
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It’s my civic duty…
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You are life a continuously running PSA.
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I am the Energizer Bunny of facts no one wants…
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Trash and Trump sound like they go together, but white and orange? It’s not a black and white question (sorry about that)..
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With Trump, the question is always black and white.
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I can so relate 🙄
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My mom was a great grandmother at 53…
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😀
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I’m surprised you even know it was your second cousin. ‘Round here, it’s just “family.”
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Those who stayed in Kansas/Oklahoma probably feel that way. My dad joined the Navy and he never really went back there… well, once… but, he got into a barroom brawl that was so massive, it made the front pages. His lawyer said, “If we forget about this, my client will reenlist”…
… just in time for the Vietnam War!
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Bad timing.
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Too funny! I come frighteningly close to many of these. Haven’t had squirrel lasagna but my kids and I always laugh at the time my dad came over with some fried squirrel for my kids to enjoy as an after school snack.
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The Oklahoma/Kansas side of my family inspired me. Squirrel? It isn’t half bad…
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I thought it was fine but tough. Much better than mule.
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Ever read Greene’s Monsignor Quixote?
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