Mirrors on the Ceiling (Rant)

Let's Talk About Sex: BOYS' NIGHT OUT (MGM 1962) – cracked rear viewer

As is my custom, I was watching a 1960s sex comedy because I need to see Tony Randall at least once a week or I will fall ill; plus, it’s the only time I get to hear Patti Page say the word, “Metrocal”. In this movie, Boys Night Out, one of the beds has a mirror over it and this seems to fascinate the characters. I’ve never understood the need for a ceiling mirror during sex. If I’m looking up, I’ll see the woman’s shoulders and the top of her head; if she is the one looking up, she’ll have the thrill of seeing my large and uninspiring buttocks. Neither of us benefits from that, in my opinion. After considering it, I’ve decided that the only thing ceiling mirrors are good for is checking to see if your pajamas are inside out without having to leave the bed. Personally, I don’t wear anything to bed because, if I die in my sleep, I want those around me to be as uncomfortable as possible…

And, don’t think that comfort isn’t important. Comfort is pleasure turned down to one. You can enjoy comfort every day at that strength. Comfort is like the beer of pleasure. Enjoyable but not so much that you get hooked on it. The pleasure scale goes up to ten… with ten being strung out on morphine or seeing the guy who passed you on the shoulder Vin Diesel developing movie studio in Dominican Republic | KFTVcrashing into a ditch and bursting into flames. Sex is a nine… unless the cat jumps on the bed during; then, it is a seven. Five is the level of smug pleasure you get when someone else’s dog comes to you instead of the owner. Zero is the pleasure you get when you find out the movie you’ve been watching stars Vin Diesel. Be careful… any pleasure over a one or a two is ADDICTIVE.

But, comfort is what we STRIVE for. For good reason. Say you’re on a date with a woman and she asks about your financial status. You reply, “I’m comfortable” and she’s immediately interested… WAY more interested than if you answered at level ten… “I’m on morphine right now”. Because comfort is the best thing to feed a man… like kibble to a dog. Yes, they like other foods more than that, but the veterinarian says that’s what’s best for them. As a woman, you might be able to provide a level ten experience and even get some enjoyment out of it yourself… but if you take a long weekend to rest, he’s crushed… probably because the movie he watched while you were resting starred Vin Diesel…

Too much pleasure leads to people wanting to find more of that too-much pleasure. Ironically, discovering a new pleasure is only a level three pleasure… the same level as eating a melted candy bar you just found in the cushions of your car. You might end up masochistic or dressing as a pony or worse, dressing like Vin Diesel. Worst of all, you might find that shoulders and the tops of heads are the most arousing parts of a woman’s body…

and THAT’S when you put mirrors on the ceiling.

18 thoughts on “Mirrors on the Ceiling (Rant)

    1. Thanks… all my stuff used to be essays and rants. I started writing humor to describe my vacations to my co-workers. My wife was kind of neurotic so people really thought they were funny. After a while, when I got back from vacation, I’d start getting requests for them.

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      1. Speaking of writing about vacations, I still think John Hughes short story “Vacation ’58” is the funniest story I’ve ever read. I’m sure you’ve read it, but if not, you can Google it and read it in multiple places. What’s not to like about a story that starts, “It would have been the best vacation ever if dad hadn’t shot Walt Disney in the leg.”

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