Dark Thoughts on Black Holes

2018 Will Be The Year Humanity Directly 'Sees' Our First Black Hole

A black hole might be used as a time machine but most physicists think that the trip would pull your body into a long strand in a process called “spaghetification”. Of course, if you survived, you could go back in time and warn yourself but, be honest, would you really listen to a warning from spaghetti?

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A black hole can eat entire planets and even stars. This makes my own eating disorders seem minor by comparison.

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There are an uncountable number of black holes in the universe; so, look around you at the person on your right and on your left, at your front and behind you. Are they black holes? No? Then, odds are, YOU are a black hole… in which case, get out of my country, you trouble-maker…

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It can take billions or even trillions of years for a black hole to evaporate. So, if one near you evaporates and you try to look surprised, no one will buy it.

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Some astronomers say that there might be another universe inside each black hole; however, these are the same astronomers that say, “Yes, I will have another bong hit, please”.

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A black hole cannot violate Einstein’s Theory and destroy information; so, if you throw the last DVD of Fast and Furious 3 into a black hole, it is theoretically possible to recreate the movie from information left on the black-hole’s surface. Throwing it in would still be pretty satisfying, though.

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Supermassive black holes regulate star formation in a galaxy. You may not like this, but you’d look pretty silly arguing with a black hole about it.

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A black hole is created when a large star collapses on itself and explodes… it is essentially the job a large star takes after it retires.

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Most astrophysicists believe that light cannot escape the gravity of a black hole, although a few theorize that it just doesn’t want to.

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The gravity around a black hole acts as a convex magnifying lens like the kind you burned ants with as a child; but, the difference is, the black hole doesn’t have to go to two years of psychotherapy…

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