What I Look for in a Girlfriend

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She must have no visible tattoos. Where she might get invisible tattoos is none of my business.

She should think the previous joke was funny… or thought-provoking… or, at least not throw a wrench at me…

She must be tone-deaf; then, I can tell her that I’m a great singer and SHE’LL NEVER KNOW!!!

She should have a spiffy nickname like “That Hot Blonde Millionaire”…

She should be easily startled because a high-pitched yelp of surprise is a real turn-on for me.

She should be water-soluble so that, if I tire of her, I’ll have an easy way out of the relationship.

She must be well-versed in medieval history. No man wants his joke about Pipin the Short to be met with stony silence.

She must be cute as a bug’s ear… barring that, some other part of the bug.

She should be well-read and wise with plenty of hard-won life experience and nineteen years old.

Her eyes should have all the seeming, of a demon that is dreaming while the lamp-light o’erstreaming– no, wait… that’s what I look for in a raven…

12 thoughts on “What I Look for in a Girlfriend

    1. Have you ever owned a Hellhound? Their droppings smell like sulfur, they are dangerously violent and they eat your soul. This makes them only a little better than owning a chow…


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