So, You’re Trimming a Bush?

Hedge trimmer - Wikipedia

Because trimming a bush looks like literally nothing else and some people just have to ask rhetorical questions, here’s a list of sarcastic replies to the question, “Trimming a bush, eh?”

No… but that’s exactly what I WANT it to look like.

No. I am one of Her Majesty’s Royal Tree Torturers.

No. I was just stabbing my wife with these hedge clippers and she seems to have fallen back behind these shrubs.

No. I was looking out my front door when these hedge clippers bolted out of the house and attacked that bush. I’m trying to separate them before there’s a lawsuit.

No. I’m just trying to “persuade” this giving tree…

No. I was presenting it with the coveted Silver Hedge-Clippers Award.

No. I’m helping the bush rehearse for the title role in The Death of Marat.

No. I was just making a “tool offering” to Mzerqutzl, the Aztec god of shrubbery.

No. I was trying to castrate my elephant and he threw me into this hedge.

Yes! Finally, someone who “gets me”…

14 thoughts on “So, You’re Trimming a Bush?

  1. I recently tried to trim my bushes with gasoline and a match, but the house caught on fire. Suddenly, a heavy thunderstorm erupted and was putting out the fire….until lightning struck and finished the job. Of course, I wouldn’t try that again because gas has gotten too expensive (not to mention that I now don’t have a house).

    Liked by 1 person

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