I Channel Facts About Television (1979)

In 1884, Paul Gottlieb Nipkow created the first television. It only transmitted still pictures and no sound. Experts believe it is the earliest example of what is today called “public television”.

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In 1906, Russian inventor Boris Rosing combined Nipkow’s television with a cathode ray tube. To this day, humans are the only animals to entertain themselves by shooting themselves in the face with electron guns…

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Philo Taylor Fansworth created the first modern television and video camera in 1927. After the television was established, he would not let his children watch it because he considered it a low-intellect pursuit. Also, he knew how much radiation those devices emitted and he didn’t want his kids’ eyes melting and dribbling onto the carpet.

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In 1969, congress was ready to cut funding to public television until Mr. Rogers testified before them. After his testimony, they more than doubled its funding. It turned out congress thought Rogers was Adlai Stevenson, risen from the grave… The thought of obstructing the will of an undead Adlai Stevenson terrified most legislators.

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Trying to standardize television, there was a spirited debate in 1946 as to whether or not to start with color technology. But, there was no need for color television in 1946 because reality would remain black-and-white until 1951 when Truman signed an executive order allowing the world to use red, green and blue.

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The oldest late night talk show is The Tonight Show. There’s singing, dancing and comedy… it’s a lot like a variety show except instead of leaving after a performance, the performers sit down on a couch and narcissistically talk about themselves for several minutes.

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The first television commercial aired on July 1^st 1941 during a Dodgers game. It was for Bulova Watches. Viewers, reportedly, were glad for the chance to use the bathroom.

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Cable television was offered as early as 1948 in small markets in Oregon, Arkansas, and Pennsylvania. It only offered a few channels, one of which was continuous lesbian soft-core porn; another was, of course, The Weather Channel.

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The first television cartoon was Crusader Rabbit. The first season involved he and his tiger friend, “Rags”, saving all the jackrabbits in Texas; but, when he returned home to his little burrow, he found that Archbishop Dagobert of Pisa had been outwitted in his efforts to make Jerusalem a theocracy and Baldwin the First became the first Latin King of Jerusalem… leaving the Principality of Antioch to seize nearby and poorly defended lands.

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By the time they are adults, children see over ten thousand murders on television… twice that if they watch Laverne and Shirley.