Onslaughts of Random Thoughts

There is an age when you stop wearing hoop earrings and that age is when your child is nine months old. Why? You’ll know when it happens…

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Life is a long, torturous,agonizing and pointless journey that ends in a mixture of humiliation and disappointment… but that might just be the depression talking.

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I wrote a play with eight characters, each with the exact same name; so, the dialog is first come first served.

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I just tried to watch Godspell and it was so bad that it made me want to find the person responsible for the seventies and beat an apology out of him.

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An accident made it so that I couldn’t remember any verbs for a few weeks so, all I could talk about were stationary objects.

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How do you know you’re REALLY lost? When everyone you see on the street has a different skull shape than you do.

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One benefit to dying alone is that you’ll have thermostat set the way you want it.

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Dear Sirs or Madams,

I recently bought your product and tried it for dessert last night. The taste was so good that it made me want to slap my momma. Later, I followed through on that urge; and, I’ll be the first to admit that things got out of control. My mom won’t even answer the door when I come over. My life is ruined. You gentlemen can take your Malamar Almond-Brickle Fudge-Rippled Strawberry-Caramel Ice Cream™ and go to Hell.

Sincerely,

Charlie Masercot

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The Miss Teen USA pageant is in the news, lately. Frankly, I think a contest to determine who is the prettiest underaged girl is just asking for trouble…

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I really should’ve read the entire dating profile. I think if I’d known that her turn-ons included barbiturates, hotel ice machines and stealing kidneys, I could’ve avoided a lot of trouble.