Never do a handstand in a cow pasture.
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If a deal sounds too good to be true, it probably is, but take it anyway; because, WHAT IF IT’S TRUE???
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Always come in first. If you can’t do that, destroying the bicycle of the kid who DID come in first is just as good.
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God loves a working man but he’s not very demonstrative about it.
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Nothing cuts like a harsh word; but, that doesn’t mean you don’t have to turn off the garbage disposal before you stick your hand in there.
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As long as we have ice, video cameras and old people the world will never be at a loss for entertainment.
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Sometime you just have to cast your pride away and dance in the mud for nickels.
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Be honest in all aspects of your life except for the talking and doing stuff parts of it.
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Never build your house on the sand; in fact, until you get a contractor’s license, you aren’t to build any houses at all, young man…
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If you find yourself losing sight of your goal, just change your goal to something you’ve already accomplished and just like that you’re done!
Potatoes and the Promise of More Potatoes 
You had me laughing from cow pasture on…
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Thanks, Jack! I had my doubts about this one.
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Tell me… did you have any advice for your
sons’ therapists?
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I tell them, “Don’t make any sudden moves and do NOT mention the Smoot Hawley Tariffs”…
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FINALLY! This explains why I find so many nickels on the ground.
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“Consider the lily…”
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All of my goals are things I’ve already achieved and I pride myself on having achieved very little in life.
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You and me both… The only verb I want on my tombstone is “died”…
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Sage advice!
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They turned out great…except for the neuroses and the twitching…
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As long as I can at least teach my son the skills he’ll need to survive in prison, I’ll be satisfied with my Dad skills…
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When you’re done teaching him, give me a lesson or two…
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To be fair, I only know what I’ve seen in the movies. I suggested he might want to befriend Morgan Freeman or suck a swarm of locust things out of Tom Hanks.
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Or, if he’s Edmund Dante, befriend a philosophy professor who has access to digging equipment.
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