My Girlf and I broke Up (an exercise)

Turned out my girlfriend was a werewolf and would change forms with the full moon; I had to break things off with her because I got tired of my neighbor’s cats being eaten every thirty days…

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I ended my relationship because I didn’t get along with my girlfriend’s dog. Some dogs get possessive and can’t warm up to a well-adjusted male with a sense of humor and a joy buzzer…

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My girlfriend and I broke up because we didn’t agree politically: She advocated for a bicameral socialist society broken up into agrarian districts of one hundred acres apiece; whereas, I just wanted sex.

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We called it quits when it turned out my girlfriend was seeing two men: Me, of course; and, when her glasses were off, me but with a funny voice.

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After six months of research, I was pretty sure that my girlfriend and I were related. She protested that it didn’t matter; but, I replied, “Eventually, people would find out, mom”…

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I gave up my girlfriend after I found out she’d been a stripper. I became suspicious when I noticed she could get undressed eleven percent faster than the average woman…

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It didn’t bother me that my girlfriend had hooks for hands except for those agonizing back-rubs she’d give me.

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My girlfriend told me I was too dull. I refuted that in no time with at least fifteen examples of myself being exciting… then I noticed she’d fallen asleep while trying to walk away…

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My girlfriend and I fought a lot over money: One of us felt it was a necessary but artificial construct to maintain the financial health of a nation and alleviate the drawbacks of the barter system; the other felt that an extra forty cents for the good corned beef hash wasn’t going to put us into the poor house and IF YOU DON’T STOP COMPLAINING I’M DRIVING THIS CAR INTO A TELEPHONE POLE, I SWEAR TO GOD!

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I left my girlfriend after she told me that I was a “doormat”. I wouldn’t have minded except for those times she wiped her shoes on me before coming into the house…