Undulate

I’d really like to undulate but, due to my age or my weight that particular joy is closed to me (although it would be a sight to see) I could roll a bit despite being fat (although I’d need an incline to do that) So, I’ll sit still and will not act and, keep my […]

How is Salt Better than a Woman (or, Why I Need to Wake Up Completely Before Picking a Topic to Write About)

I talked to my ex, yesterday and that always releases the metachlorians of misogyny. So, at two-thirty this a.m., this topic wafted into my head and refused to leave. If I’ve offended anyone, I’m deeply and sincerely hungry… so, I’m going to post this and go make breakfast. Salt comes in three varieties: Regular, Kosher […]

Things You Should Give Up if You Want to be Successful

Failure Discontinue getting financial advice from people who run out the back when the doorbell rings. Anything that doesn’t help you towards your goal should be stopped. This includes being nice to others and shooting heroin… unless your goal is to be an amiable opiate-addict… Give up breakfast. They say breakfast is the most important […]

My Idyllic Childhood

My mother often cursed the day that I was born; but, she assured me that she was cursing that day long before I was conceived. In fact, she wanted to change her “curse-day”, but she had no issues with any other day of the year. I told her that I understood and she went back […]

Ideas

Ham, bacon and egg breakfasts made from incestuous animals. Call it, “Breakfast Inbred”. Still no response from Denny’s. A car that runs by draining the batteries of the cars all around it. Can call it, “The Mother-in-Law”… A television crime drama starring Fiona Apple as a detective who solves crimes by banging random chords out […]