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My owners abandoned me for eternal bliss… Pet Watching Service for After the Rapture: When the heavens open up and take God’s chosen, who’ll watch their dogs and cats? Well, since I am NOT a Christian and will sign a document declaring that I will NEVER be “saved”, I am the perfect heathen to check in on the pets of the extremely blessed. Payment in advance, please…
- Adolph Hitler Impersonator: In the current political climate, there has GOT to be a niche for this; and, this is just my intuition talking, but I think if I memorized a few Polish jokes, it couldn’t hurt.
- Sue Chef: Go to a fancy restaurant. Spill hot sauce on self. Post awful pun on internet. Profit!
- Dominant reader for the Blind: The blind have plenty of loving and caring individuals to read to them; however, the masochistic blind really have no one to read to them in the way they prefer. “I’m not reading ONE word until you lick my shoes clean, you horrible freak!”…
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What? Owl Whisperer: Maybe there isn’t a market for this; but, once the service has been made public, people may start looking twice at the behavior patterns of their owls.
- Drug Mule: Buy a dead mule from a tanner. Deposit on the lawn of some house in an upper middle-class neighborhood. When the occupant complains reply, “Hey! I drug this mule out here on my own money. If you want it gone, you’ll have to pay”. Again, a lot of work for a bad joke, but I’m comfortable with my shortcomings…
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Maybe a little fire will loosen your purse-strings… Wine Kidnapper: Steal bottles of expensive wines from wealthy households; photograph them holding the current newspaper and you with a corkscrew in your hand. They’ll pay if they don’t want to see their precious vintage corked…
- Boa Contractor: Theoretically, any job can be accomplished if you have enough snakes. Avoid cold climates.
- Male Stripper for the Clinically Depressed: They are expecting to be disappointed and they’ll be getting me. Seems almost too perfect…
- Gargling Instructor: Everyone has gargled but no one has ever been taught the right way to gargle. Hang up your shingle before someone posts instructions for free on Youtube.
Money-making Ideas for the Twenty-first Century
