I Hate Writing Poetry: A Poem

I’d rather lose my home than write a poem And, you’ll never goad me into writing an ode; a limerick makes me sick. Want me to compose a ballad? I’d rather have barbed wire in my salad. As for the sonnet: A pox onnet!

I Want Them to be My Friends

Ben Affleck: If I hang with him, he’d eventually introduce me to Matt Damon; then, I’d have two friends which would be a godsend if I needed to move a china hutch… although, if history has taught us anything, it is that Matt Damon will probably end up doing most of the work. Jerry Seinfeld: […]

June is the Time for Weddings!

You can still wear white to your wedding even if you aren’t a virgin; however, you will have to affix a scarlet ‘A’ to your bridal gown. Don’t spend more on a wedding ring than you can afford. Two month’s salary has been the amount decided upon by people who determine these things and who […]

Lego My Ego!

I saw my first Lego movie, last night. Frankly, it substantiated my theory that anything new or unfamiliar must be scrupulously avoided. The movie didn’t move me; but, maybe my emotional ties to Lego are not as pronounced as other Americans. We didn’t own any Legos in my house. My grandmother had some in a […]

Double-plus Rand-Thoughts

At work, the LGBT people are having a gay ice-cream social. When the guy handed me the flier, I thought to myself, “You know, if my granddaddy were alive today, he’d probably be panicking, scratching and clawing at the coffin lid until he suffocated” If everyone who ever died trying to save someone from a […]