Ask a Super-intelligent Bio-engineered Dog Part 4: The Doggening of David Dogg

Dear Super-intelligent Bio-engineered Dog, We’ve just had our second child, who doesn’t look like me; and, now my wife is trying to convince me that Chinese is a recessive gene. She makes a compelling argument, but I’m a little skeptical. San Francisco Dad of Two (?) Dear Dad, You are right to be skeptical. The […]

Why I’m Mad

I get mad when someone puts the milk back in the fridge with only a few drops in it. If it turns out it was me, I still get mad but I keep it to myself… I get mad because youth is wasted on the young; but, anyone can get old age if they are […]

Why I’m Sad

I’m sad when a tv series that I like ends because I can no longer follow the made up events in the lives of people who don’t exist. I get sad when one of my favorite actors or actresses dies. Personally, I always felt as if Don Knotts and Tim Conway had one more epic […]

Is a Raccoon the Pet for You?

A raccoon is a wild animal. I cannot stress this enough. A RACCOON IS A WILD ANIMAL. Understand? You do? Well then, I apparently stressed it enough. Raccoon feces makes a good fertilizer. If you have a raccoon as a pet, you won’t even need to leave your home to collect it. Veterinarians who treat […]

Some Shaky Earthquake Tips

If you are at work and don’t have time to get outside, take cover under a table or a desk. If you were already under someone’s desk BEFORE the earthquake started, you should be ashamed of yourself… If you are outdoors, avoid power lines… unless you are a power line worker. In that case: GET […]