If I were invisible, the first thing I would try to do is find a cure for cancer.
Even the lowliest sparrow deserves at least ONE weekend in Las Vegas.
There is no time like the present except for the recent past.
I think that rabies is just an attempt by nature to create meringue out of dog slobber.
Strippers do NOT like making change.
No one played marbles in any of the Star Wars movies. I’m not complaining, just pointing it out.
My ex-wife complained that I put too much ranch dressing on my fried rabbit; but, I think what she was really angry about was that I’d burned down her parents’ house the previous morning.
Amateur wrestling is just homosexual sex with a scoring system.
If I had it to do all over again, I probably wouldn’t have shot John F. Kennedy…
The line between ballet and jumping around like an idiot is razor-thin.
I often use the term “soul-mate” when I actually mean “disease-ridden whore”…
If I challenge a blind man to a duel, is he allowed to use his seeing-eye dog?
If someone HAS to punch Joaquin Phoenix in the face, I’d like that person to be me…
Filippino women make competent and devoted wives; however, when it comes to designing and purchasing the fixtures for a very large deionized water system for an active semiconductor clean room, they are essentially useless…