Height: Short people have a greater proclivity to suffer from a Napoleonic Complex which involves eating a lot of puff pastry with cream in it.
Color: The lighter someone’s skin color is, the more likely they can wait outside my house, next to a snow bank, and catch me unawares. You may think that I’m over-reacting, but if you had the power to turn invisible in the winter time, you’d find an excuse to use it, too…
Religion: Anyone who believes in a supreme being, and that being is not me, cannot be trusted.
Football Team: If you support the Oakland Raiders, you should be put in a prison cell proactively before you inevitably rob a liquor store.
Marital Status: Single people cannot be trusted due to the fact that they often knowingly fornicate with married people. The ones that fornicate without knowing it should also be closely watched…
Race: Any person who does not measure up to the stereotypes of their ethnicity are just trying to lull you… outside… by that snowbank over there…
Musical Tastes: “I only listen to dance music and I also just scored impossibly low on my IQ test”, is a phrase I hear far too often.
Age: Young people don’t smell like anything. If my dog doesn’t trust them, why should I?
Political Party: If your political party incorporates religion and that religion is not me, it sucks and is anti-American.
Education: Never trust a man who talks incessantly about world history. Because people who study history ARE doomed to repeat it… ad nauseum…
