Goals for 2019

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I want to learn to speak Canadian.

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I want to learn about my ancestors from census documents, church records and tax documents. If I find one that is famous, I want to weave that into every conversation I have for the rest of my life.

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I want to simulate hiking the Appalachian Trail by pacing my living room 550 billion times.

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I want to shoot a faith healer in the knee-cap and time how long it takes him to get better.

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I want to learn a musical instrument because nothing makes people happier than hearing the words, “I brought my harmonica”

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I want to read the Iliad in the original Spanish.

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I want to become a cartographer because one day a cartographer might do something heroic and airlines might let ALL cartographers pre-board and I want a piece of that.

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I want to win a fight with a volcano.

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I want to have a monogamous relationship with two women at the same time.

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I want to run for municipal office, get caught in a motel room with a prostitute, Vladimir Putin, a low-yield nuclear device and a briefcase full of cash… and have it all be just a big misunderstanding…

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27 thoughts on “Goals for 2019

    1. No, here’s a joke, Chelsea:

      A woman goes to a psychiatrist and says, “I’m worried about my husband. He calls me a “big dummy” all of the time and when I call him on it, he fakes a heart attack. Is he crazy?”

      The doctor replies, “Crazy… like a Foxx”

      Liked by 1 person

  1. I think all the other goals besides tracing the ancestors are frivolous to pursue, you might inherit a fortune once you find out and then write these posts from your yacht in the Mediterranean sea.

    Liked by 1 person

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