Strongmen Lost to the Mists of History

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Merman, the Addled: Merman was very strong but also confused easily in front of large crowds. This was evident during a San Diego performance where he lifted a phone book over his head and then tore a mule in half. The angry crowd made to rush the stage, but no one wanted to get pieces of mule all over themselves.

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Renaldo, the Corpulent: Victorian England was all abuzz about Renaldo’s claim that he could lift an elephant from the floor to a platform, five feet up. When the audience found out that he was moving the elephant one bloody piece at a time, there was no second performance…

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Bambo, the Existential: A favorite in the roaring twenties, Bambo would lift his own substantial body over his own head to the delight of Nihilists everywhere. He died, tragically, in 1931, when he lost his grip and crushed himself under his own weight.

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Igor, the Motivator: Imagine a man who can dive through two flaming hoops into a tank of water with flaming naptha floating on its surface. Now, imagine the man who could force someone else to do that. Igor would pick an audience member at random, carry him by the scruff of the neck to the stage and point.

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Cedric, the Sickly: A wonderful act which culminated in Cedric bearing on this back a platform upon which stood at doctor, an attending nurse and a patient. Cedric would hold up the platform the entire duration of a vasectomy. An unfortunate coughing fit ended his career abruptly; however, the patient was fine once he figured out how to live without his testicles…

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Sindhar, the Tiger: A double threat! He would demonstrate his strength by standing with each arm chained to a plow horse while the horses were goaded with whips in opposite directions. He would demonstrate his speed by chasing down the horse that was dragging his dismembered arm.

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Pulsaro, the Hard of Hearing: The only conspicuously deaf strongman. His act consisted of tearing phone booth in half and lifting baubles over his head.

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Cannonball Calvin: Half the population of Madison, Wisconsin came out to see Calvin perform a feat that no one had even approximated: He claimed he would catch a cannonball, fired from a civil war cannon, between his teeth. Historians argue as to whether or not he succeeded because the cannonball was never found… nor were his teeth or head…

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Joni Mitchell: The singer of “Big Yellow Taxi” was immensely strong, despite her small stature. After losing the Grammy for her album Chalk Mark in a Rain Storm, Mitchell threw an Indian elephant at Commodores front man, Lionel Richie…

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13 thoughts on “Strongmen Lost to the Mists of History

  1. I laughed out loud at “Historians argue as to whether or not he succeeded because the cannonball was never found… nor were his teeth or head…” and “He would demonstrate his speed by chasing down the horse that was dragging his dismembered arm.” Funny!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. This one was a few months old. I just wasn’t happy with it but my brain came up empty, yesterday, and it seemed the best choice. You’d be surprised how many ideas I have to throw away. Well, maybe not surprised but definitely mildly interested…

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I know what you mean. I have a ton of half started posts I try to get somewhere with that I just walk away from because they annoy me at that point. I go weeks without posting as I am brain dead. I really should do the same thing – when my brain is “on” write a lot, so I can use something later. I liked this one though – I thought it was funny!

        Liked by 1 person

      2. I know what you mean by feeling “brain dead”. I guess since we both write, we are creating something and you cannot do that 24/7. But, when it happens, I normally ask myself, “Is this forever?”

        I AM glad you liked it, Robyn. I think tomorrow’s will be pretty good…


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