I resolve to think before I act. Well, actually I haven’t resolved to do that yet, but I’m considering it.
I resolve to take the CPR dummy I keep in my closet out for a night on the town. Imagine the look on her face!
I resolve to give the people in my life the respect that they deserve which should give me a lot more alone time.
I resolve to eat less meat and chocolate and more of whatever foods are not those two things…
I resolve to live each day as if it were my last, drinking heavily and making funeral arrangements.
I resolve to stop stealing from my mom’s medicine cabinet and instead do the research and go to my doctor with fake symptoms like an adult.
I resolve to stop asking people who are missing a limb how their pit bull is doing.
I resolve to learn a different language so I can tell my neighbors, in their own tongue, that they are dirty and need to leave my country.
I resolve to give my mathematical concepts class a hundred and ten percent of my efforts.
I resolve to floss every single day that I wouldn’t mind my gums bleeding a lot.
I resolve to stop relying on taxi cabs or ubers when I need to travel from my bedroom to my living room.
I resolve to never divulge that my Super PAC is really PAC Kent, reporter for the Daily Planet…