The Perks of having a Pet Tapeworm

Posted on by masercot

10 Early Signs of A Tapeworm to Never Ignore

If I we get into an argument and I call it a “parasite”, I’ll be technically correct… the best KIND of correct.

Since it lives in my stomach, I don’t need a litter box. Although, if I reflect on that fact too much, I get nauseous…

I didn’t even have to BUY my pet tapeworm. I just ate raw pork until my stomach cramped.

I named mine, “Skinny Pete” although “Slim” and “Bruce Willis” were also considered.

Despite the fact that he is of the class Cestoda, he did a GREAT impersonation of a Trematoda although it might’ve been just a fluke.

My tapeworm won’t chase a ball but, if I swallow an anti-depressant with enough force, it will chase it around my stomach a bit…

My tapeworm might grow to ten feet long, much longer than the Irish Wolfhound my neighbor is always bragging about.

Tapeworms don’t have mouths so I don’t have to worry about a lot of random barking.

The motel had a sign that said, “NO PETS” but Skinny Pete stayed there all night and NO ONE WAS THE WISER!!!

When my tapeworm has babies, instead of having to sell them, take them to a shelter or drown them in a river, they pass harmlessly through my digestive tract and into the commode…

17 thoughts on “The Perks of having a Pet Tapeworm”

  2. I got the one about the fluke and I am not the brightest tool in the shed. 🙂 I think I might have gone with Bruce Willis. And as much as I liked reading about your tapeworm, that picture – yikes. I think I like the cartoon version in my brain a little bit more 🙂

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      1. Oh no. That would not do your pet justice. Maybe it is seeing your pets living quarters. In my head the tapeworm is still mouthless, but smiling. It’s nice….

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  4. I read that tapeworms can migrate from the intestines to the heart. If that happens, the only thing which can save you is if too many tapeworms try to migrate as the same time, causing clogged arteries, which can be unclogged by a procedure called arterial clearosis (which is similar to drinking chlorox to cure the corona virus, and recommended by the same expert).

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