Even More Stuff You don’t Know about Me

Whats the difference between kangaroos and wallabies marsupials Twycross  zoo animals - YouTube

I was once six foot one inch tall. Now I am six feet tall. I thought my feet were getting bigger, but it turns out they are just closer…

Despite years of research, I am no closer to being able to tell a kangaroo from a wallaby…

I used to teach karate to children. How is that better than leaving them unsupervised to run around like idiots? I’ll let you know when I figure it out.

My grandmother came off the reservation so I have enough American Indian flowing through my veins to track a deer should one ever manage to get into my townhouse.

I got my first traffic ticket before they even mailed me my permanent driver’s license. This is called “being proactive”.

I was a virgin once and will be again, God willing.

I’ve used LSD only twice. Turns out that even my hallucinations were boring.

I grew my hair long because I felt bad for barbers who tried to talk sports with me. “The Oakland A’s? They pronounce vowels differently in Oakland?”

I’ve been kicked by a horse twice; but, horses are always kicking something… it was just my turn.

Despite my efforts, no one has ever called me “Flash” or “Mr. Push-ups”.

16 thoughts on “Even More Stuff You don’t Know about Me

      1. Sounds like my brother. But, he came very close to killing himself (smashed face, bruised heart, tracheotomy, broken arm and one eye pushed back into the socket). Did he learn his lesson?

        Nah!

        Like

  1. I got bit by a horse when I was tightening the girth. It really hurt. I didn’t know horses could bite like that. But I figure it was the horse or my instructor as I knew she would bite my head off if the girth wasn’t tight enough. I guess I chose the lesser of two evils.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. It’s every man’s dream to have a lover that can’t compare him to anyone. For just a while, he is the greatest lover she’s ever had…

      Then, he borrows her car and drives it into a Tastee-Freez and she knows she can do better…

      Like

  2. I got kicked by a horse, and it left a beautiful imprint of an “U” on my stomach. I didn’t even know which one kicked me. Holding your elbow out while tightening the girth keeps horse teeth away from flesh (we had some pretty PMS-y horses).

    Liked by 1 person

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