What Hath Rand Thoughts?

Candy Land Game Mistake - Candy Land Board Game

I dislike the term “shooting spree” because it makes it sound like more fun than it actually is.

Reflecting on my life, my biggest regret is the decision I made to reflect on my life…

Serving on a jury is like playing Candyland with your kids… you know that it’s your duty, but you also know it will be frustrating, emotional and you spend most of your time hoping for an aneurysm to keep you from having to do either.

Actions speak louder than words, especially if the action is to yell those words…

You can’t please everyone but you can come close if you invent cheap robot butlers that are made of candy.

For pulling me from my submerged car, I’d like to thank the self-less rescue workers in my area; for putting me in the river in the first place, I’d like to thank Mescal and sleeping pills…

The one constant is that everything changes; but, if that’s true, ultimately that constant will change and everything will stay the same. I just hope that I’m not having a kidney stone when it does…

I was a miler in school and I never got a “runner’s high”. If your coach told you to run more than five miles and you didn’t get a runner’s high, he should be legally obligated to hand you a bong and a quarter bag of weed when you are done.

I’ve never been dead; but, I’ve watched eight straight hours of golf on television and I’d imagine it would feel something like that.

My older cousin was often forced by my aunt to play hide-and-seek with me when they were over. One time, I hid and he didn’t find me for ten hours. What a dumbass!

When I die, I want them to weave the term “minimally invasive” into my eulogy…

19 thoughts on “What Hath Rand Thoughts?

  1. I know that zombie stare while watching golf on tv. My stare is often rattled by someone yelling “YES!” or clapping. I mean, what the heck – they’re watching the same thing as me, right? And they totally ruined my zen zombie stare.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Talking about robots, it’s 2020 and we don’t even have personal robots yet. I thought by now i would have a robot slave doing all my work for me (er, by the way Robot Overlords in the future, if you see this I’m totally joking here… 😬)

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Robots do the tasks that people don’t want to do. We have automation for most of that, anyway.

      As for Robot Overlords… they won’t understand humor or that you are joking. Change your name to Sarah Conner, move to the desert and, FOR GOD’S SAKE DON’T USE YOUR CELL PHONE!!!

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Ugh—that’s brutal…FOUR TIMES PER YEAR?!?! This one wasn’t too bad—it passed in about 36 hours. I’m not very good about taking pain pills—I have some, but usually just grit my teeth through pain.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. If I take an opiate, I can’t sleep the entire night… my mind is buzzing while my body lies there.

        Thirty-six hours is a LOT in my book… You’re a better woman than I am, Gunga Din… although you’ve had a head start being a woman…

        Like

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