This is My First Time Writing about Virginity

Unicorns | History Today

Virgin births happen quite often in history and lore. Anthropologists think that, in the case of most virgin births, the sex that brought about pregnancy was just very very forgettable.

In the Middle Ages, virgins were used to attract unicorns. If a virgin sat still in the woods long enough, a unicorn would come and lay its head upon her lap and the unicorn could be captured and processed something useful, like cat food. The fact that NO ONE ever caught a unicorn in the Middle Ages indicates how slutty women were at the time…

Virginity in men was not so highly prized because at least one of the participants in a sex act needed to know what they were doing; however, as many will attest, having had sex before… even many times before… doesn’t ensure that the man knows that he’s doing.

Biologists theorize that life-long virginity is hereditary…

There is no acceptable definition for “virgin”. For purists, it’s specifically when penetration occurs; so, with a little creative thinking, a virgin can still be pretty popular at parties…

Pop star Madonna singing “Like a Virgin” set off irony-detectors as far away as Greenland.

Popular lore is rife with “facts” about virginity. For example, Richard Branson named his fleet “Virgin Airlines” because he only hired pilots that had neither flown nor been inside an airplane before.

Careful when ordering a virgin pina colada at a restaurant because, sometimes, a unicorn just walks up and plops its head on your table.

If you equate tearing the hymen with loss of virginity then, for many women, their first sexual experience is with a horse-saddle or a tampon. So, unless it is a pretty ornate saddle, I’d imagine any emotional bonds that might be formed would be pretty casual…

If you weave the word “hymen” into your day-to-day conversations often enough, people will find reasons not to talk to you.

19 thoughts on “This is My First Time Writing about Virginity

  1. Symbolically, a virgin and a unicorn are a perfect match. I mean, look at the perfectly straight, erect horn sticking out of that unicorn’s forehead…it will never go flaccid…which explains why unicorns are only a myth…

    Liked by 1 person

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