Why do we need to pay money for stuff? Because most stores have security cameras.
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How does the moon stay in the sky? A combination of gravity, centrifugal force and peer pressure.
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Why do people die? Mostly to avoid paying off their student loans.
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Why do I have to eat my vegetables? If you don’t show the members of the plant kingdom who is boss, our shrubs will start pushing you around because they’ll have no respect for you.
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Why do I have to go to school? Because state law forbids my chaining you to a tree in the backyard while I go to work.
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Why can’t I stay up as late as you do? Because, if you saw what your mom and I do after you go to bed, you’d never sleep again.
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How do birds fly? They don’t. It just looks that way because the world moves out from underneath them when they beat their wings.
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What is that dog doing to that other dog? When two dogs really love each other they… no… Well, it’s a lot like college wrestling except… no, it’s actually EXACTLY like college wrestling.
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If you die, who will I live with? As is customary, you will be mummified and buried with me, so that you can continue to be my child in the afterlife.
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Why were you and mommy fighting on the bed? That wasn’t fighting. It was college wrestling.
Potatoes and the Promise of More Potatoes 
My kids knew what mommy and daddy were doing and they critiqued
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Mine could pick the lock on the door. And, I mean quickly…
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You had locks? 😊
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Nothing a five year old couldn’t handle…
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Lots of laughs! 🙂 Thank you for sharing!
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Well, thank you for reading!
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I can relate to the disrespectful shrubbery. We have a boxwood that is beyond rude….
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I’m sure its bark is worse than its bite…
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Its manners leaf a lot to be desired.
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When my kids were young and we were still practicing Catholics, they wanted to know why they couldn’t eat meat on Fridays. I told them that if they did, they’d have to confess their mortal sin to a priest and then tell him to go to hell. My response was so liberating, I soon became an ex-Catholic.
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I was baptized Catholic but my mother didn’t like being excommunicated, so we moved on…
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I should have prefaced my previous comment as a ‘metaphor’ for my exit from Catholicism, not an actual incident.
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You EMBELLISHED??? That isn’t like you.
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Years ago we were driving to Captiva Island in Florida, and one of my children asked why the island was named “Captiva.” “Bapa” (my father) told them that long ago pirates kidnapped a bunch of women and kept them captive on that island, “forcing them to do their laundry.”
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See? Now THAT’S thinking on your feet!
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Hahaha!!! I love these! I used to give my kiddos snarky responses too!
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Makes ’em smarter…
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At least they are better at detecting BS…
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Reminds me of one of my favorite lines from Jack Handy, “If rain is God’s tears, why is he crying? Probably because of something you did.”
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I LOVE Jack Handy. I had one of his books and read it over and over…
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