More Questions My Children Asked Me

Why, Why, Why Are Some 3-Year-Olds Always Asking "Why?"

Why do we need to pay money for stuff? Because most stores have security cameras.

How does the moon stay in the sky? A combination of gravity, centrifugal force and peer pressure.

Why do people die? Mostly to avoid paying off their student loans.

Why do I have to eat my vegetables? If you don’t show the members of the plant kingdom who is boss, our shrubs will start pushing you around because they’ll have no respect for you.

Why do I have to go to school? Because state law forbids my chaining you to a tree in the backyard while I go to work.

Why can’t I stay up as late as you do? Because, if you saw what your mom and I do after you go to bed, you’d never sleep again.

How do birds fly? They don’t. It just looks that way because the world moves out from underneath them when they beat their wings.

What is that dog doing to that other dog? When two dogs really love each other they… no… Well, it’s a lot like college wrestling except… no, it’s actually EXACTLY like college wrestling.

If you die, who will I live with? As is customary, you will be mummified and buried with me, so that you can continue to be my child in the afterlife.

Why were you and mommy fighting on the bed? That wasn’t fighting. It was college wrestling.

20 thoughts on “More Questions My Children Asked Me

  1. When my kids were young and we were still practicing Catholics, they wanted to know why they couldn’t eat meat on Fridays. I told them that if they did, they’d have to confess their mortal sin to a priest and then tell him to go to hell. My response was so liberating, I soon became an ex-Catholic.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Years ago we were driving to Captiva Island in Florida, and one of my children asked why the island was named “Captiva.” “Bapa” (my father) told them that long ago pirates kidnapped a bunch of women and kept them captive on that island, “forcing them to do their laundry.”

    Liked by 1 person

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