Still More Holiday Tips

What's For Dinner? - Buffalo Healthy Living Magazine

[At brief pause in my saga on love]

To enjoy the holidays, first ask yourself, “what is important to you?”. Is it family? Is it success? If it’s donkeys, you probably don’t understand the question.

In your mind, visualize what a perfect Thanksgiving dinner would look like; then, invite your family, anyway.

Remember: Being vegan is admirable and not just an excuse to ruin Christmas dinner for everyone. To serve vegan, remember this one rule: If it tastes good, LEAVE IT OUT.

Make your holiday plans as early as possible. Non-facist households with good cooks fill up early. If you wait, you might end up eating squirrel at your cousin’s house with his pre-verbal teenagers.

Watch your spending over the holidays. A good rule of thumb is never spend more than you can easily borrow.

Keep track of what medications you are taking and whose medicine cabinet you stole them from.

Remember funny or inspirational stories about your relatives for retelling at the holiday table. If the stories end with rehab or an unwanted pregnancy, you might want to find better stories.

Experts agree that the day before Thanksgiving is the worst travel day of the year. The second worst? All the rest of them.

Use candy canes for place cards for a festive look that will distract no one from the fact that you’re a raging alcoholic…

Attach your Christmas tree to a sturdy base so visiting children can’t pull it down on themselves. If that’s impossible, attach the visiting children to a sturdy base so they cannot get to the Christmas tree…

11 thoughts on “Still More Holiday Tips

    1. Exhausting and nice. Took two days to make all the food. My ex-wife told me, on Thanksgiving, that she couldn’t make the dessert she promised. But, it didn’t matter because no one touched the dessert I made until it was time to leave and they divided it up.

      It was Baklava, by the way…

      Like

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