My car takes alcohol instead of gas. It runs great but it gets into a lot more fights than my old car…
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They say that Monopoly is the game of capitalism and they are RIGHT. At the end of both there is one rich guy and several really pissed off losers.
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We argued all night. I told her, “This is getting us nowhere. I’m tired of going in circles”. “Then, you shouldn’t have let me nail your foot to the floor”, she answered.
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Why did I try to get my book published by Random House? No reason, I just picked them arbitrarily…
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Of all ailments, the worst is hypochondria because it’s symptoms are EVERYTHING.
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My friends complained that I was a know-it-all; so, I went to a psychotherapist and within thirty minutes, I was able to tell her exactly what was wrong with her.
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I can’t wait for retirement. It has all the fun of no one wanting to hire me anymore, with the added perk of not being dead yet.
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Everyone has the potential to settle for what they are.
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“Did you just talk or is this just really powerful weed?”, I asked the footstool…
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Say what you like about covid, but having to wear a mask has been a positive boon to amateur ventriloquists everywhere.
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If we all turned off the news for a week, the country would be in chaos because no one would know who to hate.
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I baby-proofed my home but someone managed to sneak one in anyway…
Potatoes and the Promise of More Potatoes 
Oh, do I need to knit a cardigan?
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I hate those buttons…
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But the baby will look so cute 🥳
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Thank you for the new answer to my husband’s depression over retiring. “You’re not dead yet!” Powerful, and true.
👍
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The silver linings get less and less pronounced…
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Thanks, I was looking forward to the end of Covid someday, now all I can envision is a world full of ventriloquists. I don’t know what’s worse.
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Paul Winchell was legendary AND a ventriloquist…
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That must have been some real dummy that made him famous.
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The voice of Tigger? I should ask you to step outside, sir!
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I’m glad someone finally found a use for those stupid masks.
I love the idea of a world where we didn’t know who to hate. It would leave us with a lot more energy for productive activities – and friendships.
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Actually, I did have a book published by Random House, but since it was an anthology which included several of my poems, I can’t claim I picked them at Random (though I can affirm that they picked my poems at Random).
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Cool! The best I’ve done is some literary magazine (very local)…
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When you mask the dummy as well, you can really go on autopilot.
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