Adages We DON’T Need

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Learning as an Adult: Can You Teach an Old Dog New Tricks? - AVATAR MS

“All’s well that ends well” – If you ever wanted a phrase that means literally nothing and you are tired of the phrase, “There you have it”, this is the one for you.

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“You can’t teach an old dog new tricks” – This one is just confusing. What new dog tricks have been introduced in the last six hundred years? Hey boy! Format my computer…?

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“Opposites attract” – They really really don’t. I can’t emphasize this enough.

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“A nod’s as good as a wink to a blind horse” – I wouldn’t know because I only raised sighted horses. It didn’t matter if I nodded or winked, the response was exactly the same: They’d fart, snort and then try to pin me to the stable wall.

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“A fool and his money are soon parted” – Okay, this one is true but, for God’s sake, DON’T WARN THEM…

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“Enough is enough” – Any phrase where two-thirds of the words are duplicates is better left unheeded.

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“Fight fire with fire” – This may not work but I’d pay good money to watch someone try it.

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“Genius is one percent inspiration and ninety-nine percent perspiration” – Edison had to say this because he stole the inspiration for the light bulb from other inventors and then simply tried every possible thing until he got one that worked.

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“Love is blind” – No, love is stupid. It just seems like blindness because those in love bump into things a lot.

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“Tomorrow is another day” – So was yesterday and today and you totally botched them…

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“He threw down the gauntlet” – I assume this came from a time when gauntlets were plentiful and cheap enough to throw to the ground should the urge come over you; but, the only people who know what a gauntlet is are those who own twenty-sided die and watch too much anime…

21 thoughts on “Adages We DON’T Need”

    2. I finally figured that one out…so I’ll share: ONE stich IN TIME (when the hole is small) saves 9 stiches later when the hole gets bigger. (Do it now…don’t procrastinate or all your problems will get worse and take more effort to fix )

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      3. National Lampoon? Satire is no longer possible since the real world made a satire of reality all its own. And, by the way, I remember that cover quite well…it was a Dalmatian with a gun pointed to its head: Buy this magazine or we’ll shoot this dog.

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      4. Thank you! I’m glad I didn’t imagine it…

        Yes, it does feel as if satire is dead and Irony is on a ventilator. If I’d postulated the last five years as a plot to a novel forty years ago, I’d have been shown the door. It can’t happen here…

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  4. Now I’m going to argue here Charles, opposites do attract. When I did my Science of Sex module at uni they proved that you are most attracted to one who is genetically opposite. This is so the gene pool is diversified. PS – Women on the pill will often marry like, which according to my lecturer results in high numbers of divorce.

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