Walls!

The Antonine Wall - Scottish Canals

A wall is defined as “a structural element used to divide or enclose”. Like when your brother-in-law tried to put up sheet-rock in your basement and your family was divided between those who wanted to not pay him and those who wanted to put him into rehab…

Only on rare occasions are partition walls load-bearing. How can you tell if it is? Slide the walls back and wait for the floor above to come to you.

The word “wall” originally only referred to defensive walls; i.e. walls built to slow the attack of an enemy… unless your brother-in-law built it. In that case, the enemy might not have even noticed the wall.

A firewall is a wall that burns slower than the other walls of a building so allow the occupants time to get out or to save that baseball you own that was autographed by a confused Norman Mailer. The concept of a firewall is pretty simple except for the question, “why didn’t you make the whole townhouse out of the material you made the firewall out of and WE WOULDN’T NEED A FIREWALL”…

A trombe wall is a glass wall that is painted a dark color so that radiation from the sun heats it. It can be used to help warm a house and reduce electric bills. Remember, though: It is a passive solar energy system so you’re going to have to do most of the work.

A sea wall is a shore-based structure that keeps the ocean from washing over populated areas. You can find it in the dictionary under “futility”.

Pink Floyd’s The Wall deals with themes of alienation and depression. People, the lyrics tell us, are all just bricks in the wall; but, WHAT IS THE MORTAR that holds the people together? If television hasn’t lied to us, the mortar is either beer or Kraft macaroni and cheese.

Can the Great Wall of China be seen from space? Well, hell no! But, it is so massive that people BELIEVE it can be seen from space.

The Antonine Wall extended across Scotland. Built in 142 A. D. E., the ten foot turf wall was meant to protect the people invading Scotland from the people living there. It was abandoned almost immediately and fell into disrepair. As it was a load-bearing wall, at a certain point, the Netherlands collapsed.

The U.S./Mexico border wall was recently an object of contention. The purpose of the wall was to pretend to keep out the people we’d be hiring for domestic work, factory and field work and home construction. After three strongly-worded letters and a few phone calls, Mexico is STILL not paying for the wall…

19 thoughts on “Walls!

      1. I agree that’s generally a good idea, but as religion doesn’t seem to care about my boundaries, I sometimes reciprocate. And then pray that no militant religious people heard me.

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  1. I’ve always been skeptical about the Great Wall of China being seen from space. It IS huge, though. I love the Far Side comic where the builders were putting the last blob of cement on the wall, and one of them says, “THERE! THAT should keep that stupid dog out!”

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Or, The Simpsons where three barbarians try and fail to get over the wall and the leader says, “Okay, let’s take the weekend off and come back Monday with three new ideas”…

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  2. Just be careful not to confuse load bearing walls with bear loading walls. The latter have to be even more strongly built. Originally they were called bear bearing walls but everybody got confused with ball-bearing walls, so they just let sleeping bears lie.
    On the wall.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Pingback: Walls! – Nelsapy

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