When shoveling snow, if you feel tightness in the chest or dizziness, STOP IMMEDIATELY… unless you enjoy tightness in the chest or dizziness.
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If it is severely cold, dress for it. How do you know you are dressed properly? You won’t be able to move your head or arms; and, if you fall down, you’ll have to lie there like a turtle until someone hears your pitiable cries and helps you to your feet.
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Only shovel light powdery snow. If the snow on your sidewalk is wet and heavy, try to trick your spouse or children into shoveling it.
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Clearing the snow from your roof can be dangerous. If you can, hire a professional to remove the snow because, if anything happens to him, he won’t be missed.
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If you use a snowblower before eight o’clock in the morning, wear a kevlar vest because your neighbors WILL try to shoot you.
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Remember to keep a bag of kitty litter in your trunk in case you get your car stuck in the ice or you buy a cat with diarrhea…
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Stock food that you can eat without cooking or refrigerating in case the power goes out. Ideally, it should be magic food that also keeps you from freezing to death.
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If very cold weather is coming, bring your dog and cat indoors; any pet polar bears you have to be let outside.
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If you are walking on ice, remember to take short steps. If you slip and fall on the ice, remember that someone is probably getting a good laugh over it.
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Do NOT shovel snow if you have a history of heart disease or randomly beating people to death with snow shovels.
Potatoes and the Promise of More Potatoes 
I think I’m glad I’ve never seen snow now 🥳
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It’s beautiful, Deb. You just have to be ready for it…
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I don’t need to worry about that, I’m never going to see it
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Timely advice since our morning temperature is currently -1. Maine winter fashion? The Michelin Man.
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Yes, but it’s a dry cold, right?
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Frostbite dry, yes.
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I came up with ten things you shouldn’t do naked. That’ll be up later this week…
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Good advice – everyone of those has happened to me.
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You murdered someone with a snow shovel???
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Hasn’t everyone?
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Also, don’t forget to wear sunglasses or the glare from the snow will cause you to have some interesting hallucinations, unless that’s what you’re going for.
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I can ALWAYS use more hallucinations… Last night, I was telling that to my son, the purple rabbit…
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Your tips are snow good, I would move to Florida if it didn’t have an abominable governor and balmy ex-President.
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I’ve lived there for quite a while and there are plenty of reasons you DON’T want to move to Florida…
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Timely.
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For a guy living in the Washington, DC area it is. My ex couldn’t get home due to I-95 being closed and had to sleep in my basement.
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Oh, noes!! Also, good call throwing her in the basement! 😉
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“Do NOT shovel snow if you have a history of heart disease or randomly beating people to death with snow shovels.”
What if you time things just right and have a fatal heart attack as soon as you finish beating someone to death? I mean, at least you’ll die knowing you got away with murder… (I’m just joking, FBI agents…)
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