Yeah, I’m Back…(Kind of)

Terminator teases sixth instalment with all-female photo - BBC News

It’s surprising how often we answer with, “It was my pleasure” when we actually mean, “It was a gigantic pain in the ass”.

I don’t mind dying young as long as I can do it when I’m ninety.

Often, I was awakened out of a sound sleep because my wife needed her calves massaged. But, it was my pleasure…

If I were a werewolf and metamorphosed every full moon, that would give my life the structure I sorely need.

It was simpler when I was a kid. My only choices were whether to kill myself jumping my bike off of a ramp; or, by teasing the bull in my neighbor’s pasture.

My mom broke her hip recently; but, she was walking in less than two weeks, confirming my suspicions that she is, in fact, a Terminator…

The Tree of Liberty is watered with the blood of patriots… so it might be less complicated to grow ferns instead.

Do cats steal a baby’s breath while he sleeps? No, that is an old wives’ tale based on the fact that cats WANT to steal a baby’s breath while he sleeps.

Despite their stated policy of working WITH the customer, my drugstore still won’t take human kidneys as payment.

Women love a man who is not afraid to cry because they need SOMEONE to laugh at…

24 thoughts on “Yeah, I’m Back…(Kind of)

      1. Oh no, I have heard that many times before. The truth is the cat likes the babies breath and could accidentally suffocate the baby by laying on its face
        But, that rarely if ever actually happens.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Tell me about it. I’ve had a jealous cat and a newborn at the same time. But, I trusted her to maintain a distance and she didn’t disappoint.

        Like

  1. My oldest daughter, who lives in another city, actually did break her hip recently and tells me she is walking with the aid of a Navigator named Henry. Unfortunately, he only speaks and understands Portuguese, so they often go in different directions….so many, in fact, that she can’t count the ways.

    Liked by 1 person

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