When to Think about Quitting the Ship You are on

The Captain re-purposes the crew cabins to the “indoor swimming deck”…

֍

Enterprising stewards are selling partial ownership in some of the lifeboats.

֍

Working-class teenagers onboard are rushing to finish their nude sketches of Kate Winslet.

֍

The ship’s captain gave a “field promotion” to the ship’s photographer and is nowhere to be found.

֍

The bilge rats have stopped showing up for work.

֍

Because the stove and fryer are under water, the kitchen will only be serving sandwiches until further notice.

֍

Evil aristocrats on board are staying dressed as old women 24/7 in case there is a shortage of lifeboats.

֍

You see sharks in your wake with napkins tied under their chins and silverware in each fin.

֍

The ship’s photographer asks the passengers if any of them knows how to fix a massive hole in a cruise ship.

֍

The special of the day is sashimi which can be found swimming around on the three lowest decks.