Stuff I’m Thankful for Part 2

I’m thankful for Byzantine architecture because, without it, a lot of Turks would’ve had to sleep out in the rain.

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I’m thankful for my children because they can be used as collateral in large drug deals.

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I’m thankful for turnips, especially the one that unclogged my bathtub… although, on reflection, that might have been a plumber.

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I’m thankful for peace, well worth all the people we’ve had to killed to achieve it and well worth all the one’s we’ll be killing in the future.

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I’m thankful for dark matter because it accounts for the missing matter in the universe; people were starting to suspect that I was taking it…

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I’m thankful for endless summer nights as long as it isn’t an indicator that the Sun has burned out.

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I’m thankful for the Sun because those ants aren’t going to take a magnifying glass and incinerate themselves.

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I’m thankful for friends because they are the easiest of all people to exploit.

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I’m thankful for the English full breakfast. No two of its components taste good together; but, it looks like something a bulimic might throw together and eat.

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I’m thankful for cryptograms because they show me what the world would be like if someone broke the alphabet…