First, be SURE it was stolen. When I lose something, it usually falls down my pants-leg into my boot. Then, the cat defecates into that boot because I left her alone for a weekend, WITH FOOD AND WATER, but she’s still plenty miffed. If my identity is in that boot, I’ll get myself another, thank you…
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Avoid putting your social security number where it can be easily stolen like on t-shirts and baseball caps…
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If someone tries to “phish” you, phile a complaint because phishing is a phelony.
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Your passwords should not be based on personal information such as your birthday or what felonies you’ve been convicted of. Keep it non-personal with passwords like “PASSWORD123”.
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If you suspect someone of stealing your identity, make sure it is YOUR identity… it might just be the identity of someone who looks like you.
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If your life has been a never-ending hellish existence, you might just want to let them KEEP your identity.
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Write a federal law that forces people who steal someone’s identity to also have to interact with that person’s in-laws…
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Never write your password down. Tattoo it on your forearm or neck.
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If, after your identity has been stolen for six months, your credit rating goes UP, you’ve made some seriously bad life-choices…
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If the thief has your birth certificate, tread carefully because they can destroy it and then you’ll have never been born…
Potatoes and the Promise of More Potatoes 
From these tips I’m thinking I should be advertising my identity on Facebook
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You’ll have a lot more followers… although they’ll be kind of shady…
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😂. Slim Shady?
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Well, at least destroying a birth certificate is far less painful than suicide…
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It’s like an annulment for your existence…
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Some days I’d consider it…
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I think to myself, “What if I were never born?” and then I realize, if I’d never been born, my mom would’ve exploded by the time I was two…
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That’s assuming you’d have continued to grow—perhaps you’d only grow as large as your “host” could tolerate and provide nutrition for?
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Like a bonsai tree?
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Or…you can start a blog and post photos of your husband’s crap filled cellar. That way no one will want to be you.
🥴
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I so want to be you. Maine, after all…
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Other than the cave of crap… I can’t really blame you there.
😉
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Wait, did you phish my PASSWORD123 password for use in your post? Hey… have you been checking my tattoos when I black out?…
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I’m too much of a gentleman to check them when you’re awake…
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Um, thank you I think 😆
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I’m so old that if someone steals my identity, they’ll probably be dead before Easter….which would serve them right, because I don’t believe in the resurrection. Of course, I could be wrong….in which case, they can go to hell.
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A nice mix of the old and new testaments!
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“phishing is a phelony” 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
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I thought that was my weakest one, Patti. Shows what I know.
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