Some people fast before going to an all-you-can-eat buffet when just purging in the parking lot is sufficient.
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Most people prefer the buffet items that are one row back from the front because those get sneezed on a lot less.
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Don’t fill up on bread. If it is a Chinese food buffet, don’t fill up on rice and soup. If it is an Italian food buffet, don’t fill up on pasta. If the buffet is Korean food, just back out of the restaurant without making eye contact with the staff.
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Nutritionists had a theory that people might actually eat LESS at an all-you-can-eat buffet. That theory was so wrong that it literally affected the tides.
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If you wait ten minutes between buffet visits, you’ll eat a lot less… so, try to fill a plate every nine minutes.
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Are you getting your money’s worth? If the staff and owner are openly glaring at you then YES YOU ARE!!!
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Go for the most expensive foods. A caviar, prosciutto and heart of palm sandwich may not taste very good, but they will induce glares the like of which you’ve never experienced.
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Sometimes, you just have to stop eating due to the strain on your heart and stomach; but, there’s STILL FOOD YOU HAVEN’T EATEN. And, THAT is why God invented the handbag.
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For dessert, get two giant soup-bowls full of frozen yogurt toppings. Eat them with your hands and chew slowly while you look the owner directly in the eye.
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Avoid any dish with the words “fiesta” or “casserole” in it… ESPECIALLY, “Fiesta Casserole”…
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Leave your children at home. They are too young to have the need to eat their anger and anxiety away… so, they’ll only eat as much as is comfortable and then slow YOU down as they get bored and fidgety…
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The quality of an all-you-can-eat restaurant can be determined by how quickly it goes out of business.
Potatoes and the Promise of More Potatoes 
You forgot … take your brother in law. Competitiveness breeds hunger
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It may not breed hunger, but it definitely makes you do stupid stuff like having an eating contest…
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Parking lot puke.
Nine minute binging intervals.
Extra large purse.
Useful tips, all.
👍
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My ex would forget about rolls she’d stashed in her purse a lot… I told her to go on Let’s Make a Deal. Remember how at the end of the show he’d say, “I’ll give you a hundred dollars… if you have a… lemon…”
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A woman’s purse is a veritable black hole.
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“Most people prefer the buffet items that are one row back from the front because those get sneezed on a lot less.” Well THAT image just changed buffets for me for the rest of my time here on earth 😬😬😬
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What’s a little sneeze fallout when you’ve got BOTTOMLESS PASTA BOWLS!!!
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ARRRG! (I learned that word in a comic book, BTW). STOP already 😩
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This is true: Some time ago, we had a mass shooting event happen at a Chinese all-you-can-eat restaurant a few miles away from us. It was the ultimate senseless shooting–was the shooter upset that he didn’t have enough to eat? Or that there wasn’t enough jello with pineapple chunks? All I could come up with was that he was frustrated because there weren’t enough chopsticks and mini-parasol toothpicks to go round.
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Well… at least the victims were well-fed…
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Thanks for the tips! Nine minute intervals and stare owner directly in the eye while wiping out their dessert toppings. I’ll remember this 😀
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Don’t think of it as a buffet. Think of it as a food chain where all the links to that chain are sitting in chaffing dishes…
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Oh, dear ~ I can see that I’ve been going about this ALL wrong… 🤣
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There is no wrong way to eat a buffet… unless you burn your hand on the make your own omelet bar… or end your meal with lemonade and chocolate frozen yogurt.
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Um, what about if I begin my meal with the chocolate frozen yogurt, then for the main course have chocolate frozen yogurt, with chocolate frozen yogurt for dessert? I could do the two-soup-bowls-of-toppings-with-eye-contact too… Would that be okay?
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You’ll succumb to brain-freeze before ever getting to the toppings…
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I’m a light eater, so I eat in a flash.
The bulbs are crispy, but stick in my mustache.
If the batteries are bad, it makes me ill….
But if they’re good, I eat my fill
Except for the on-off button.
Because, you see, I’m not a glutton.
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A little light verse?
You could do worse.
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I’m curious… does all you can eat involve things you should not eat, but technically COULD, like table cloths?
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Tell ya what, Jay… it might make for a heck of a lawsuit if they STOP you from eating a table cloth…
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I would absolutely take this case… in the alternate universe where I am a lawyer, of course.
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