FAQs on Alligators

American alligator | Smithsonian's National Zoo

[The following questions were generated by Google in a search of “alligators”]

Do alligators feel love? Alligators, like all reptiles and most cats, lack the limbic part of the brain where emotions are generated. The most you can hope for with an alligator is perfunctory sex once a week and maybe some flowers on your anniversary.

What are an alligator’s weaknesses? Poor dental hygiene and a crippling lack of charisma…

Are alligators dinosaurs? No, but alligators and crocodiles are the closest living relatives to dinosaurs so, if a dinosaur gets sick or dies, you’ll definitely find an alligator or crocodile listed as an emergency contact.

I hear alligators can weigh up to a thousand pounds. Is that true? How would I know what you’ve heard?

Can alligators use tools? Yes. It was recently discovered that they use tiny sticks to lure birds looking for nesting material. They also use power sanders to attract middle-aged men looking for a way to smooth out that bookcase they’re building.

Can an alligator bite your arm off? No. An alligator cannot bite your arm off; however, it can rip your arm off, so if you plan to go swimming with one, leave your expensive wristwatch at home…

Where is the best place punch an alligator? In your dreams.

Can a bear beat an alligator? A grizzly or Kodiak bear can defeat an alligator because of their sheer size and strength. Such a battle has only happened once: Over a parking space at an Indiana mall on Christmas Eve in 1981.

How can a person defeat an alligator? Well, if you are carrying knitting needles, you can try to knit yourself a grizzly or Kodiak bear.

Do alligators like being scratched? They do, but only after some light bondage and a spirited paddling…

19 thoughts on “FAQs on Alligators

  1. As you know, alligators and crocodiles talk to each other, but have a very limited vocabulary. Some human wrote a song which expanded on it and became a dance craze, but gators and crocs can’t dance (or talk) as good as humans, so they didn’t appreciate it, and have been sulking ever since. Now you know.

    Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s