Raising Venomous Snakes

The Top 10 Most Venomous Snakes in the World - AZ Animals

Know your snakes. They can be unpredictable to those who don’t because they have a wide range of reactions: If startled, they might give you a savage bite; but, if treated gently and calmly, they might give you a savage bite.

Wash your hands after handling snakes. If that is impossible, then wash the snake BEFORE you handle it. Do NOT use the pot-scrubber side of the sponge…

Most times, you have to get a permit to keep venomous snakes. Requirements include safe storage, sanitary conditions and no regard for one’s own life.

You can make around thirty-five thousand dollars a year milking the venom out of snakes and selling it, which is about half of what your first dose of anti-venom will cost you.

Do venomous snakes make good pets? It depends upon what you look for in a pet. If you want a loyal creature who provides love and protection; then, a dog is probably the pet for you. If you want something with a brain the size of a watch-battery that randomly attacks you… and a cat is not available, buy a venomous snake…

Never leave the lid to a snake cage open and unattended. Even a few minutes is more than enough time for the snake to draw a bath and then drown in it. You thought marijuana was harmless, Becky; you spaced out, and NOW MY KRAIT IS DEAD!

Don’t handle poisonous snakes with your bare hands. Use a snake hook to pin it down from a safe distance. If you still feel you are in danger, use a crossbow with a toilet plunger like they do in the cartoons…

If you raise venomous snakes, you’ll need to feed them live rats… LOTS of rats. So, the women you don’t alienate because you have a house full of snakes, you’ll probably alienate with the rats. You’ll have to choose from the subgroup of women who like rats and snakes and she’ll be busy for the foreseeable future, dating a taller, better-looking snake guy.

If your house catches fire, remember to tell the fire-fighters which snake enclosures they should save first… I’M KIDDING… They ain’t goin’ in there…

King Cobras kill and eat venomous serpents. It makes sense to keep at least one in your collection in case you want to close up shop. Just release them all into a windowless room until the King Cobra has eaten the other snakes; and then, send in the mongoose.

22 thoughts on “Raising Venomous Snakes

  1. Don’t overlook the deterrent power of snakes. My SIL’s college boyfriend brought his boa constrictor over and answered our door with it around his neck one day. That Jehovah Witness never did come back.
    Laugh. But it’s actually true.

    Liked by 6 people

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