Random Thoughts that I have Gots

Posted on by masercot

Baby Birds Visiting Feeders

I listened to nothing but Alanis Morissette’s Jagged Little Pill for three days; now, every woman I meet seems sane by comparison.

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My life has been kind of a drag… except for the week after I’d been adopted by Tom Cruise. It was luxury and joy and utter satisfaction; but, he came up behind me while I was eating and I reflexively bit him; then… it was BACK TO THE POUND.

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I could never replace someone who is larger than life; none of his shirts would fit me.

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A lot of the information extracted by torture is false or unreliable. The most effective way of getting information from a prisoner is to trick him into writing his autobiography.

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Everybody wants a job… and why not? It’s the most effective way to have an arbitrary person tell you what to do for half of your waking life.

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Electric cars can be kind of annoying, having to be charged every six hours. But, if you allow the car to be charged by plugging it into its own cigarette lighter, you can charge it while you drive and it will cost you NOTHING.

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Fun fact: The diameter of Titan, moon of Saturn, is greater than the diameter of Mercury; but, the radius of Titan is less than the radius of Mercury…

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Sometimes, in the evening, it suddenly occurs to me that every second of my life is numbered… and precious; and, that I should LIVE… REALLY live my life to the fullest and experience things the way I was meant to. But, then the commercials end and I go back to watching television…

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If we ever get to the point where we have to cull a portion of our population, I think we should start with people who can’t throw a Frisbee.

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Birds vomit up food for their young and, I’d imagine, it really helps them to bond. I think in that way, birds are the opposite of humans; because, after each of the three or four times I’ve thrown up on my kids, they tended to shy away from me for a week or so…

15 thoughts on “Random Thoughts that I have Gots”

  2. I cry foul! Which is where my Frisbee lands every time I try to throw one. Don’t discriminate against the flying disc challenged among us… next thing you know non hula hoopers will be targeted and I can’t do that either.
    😫

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Published by masercot