Tips on Venomous Snakes

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If you inject a venomous snake with anti-venom, when it bites you, water comes out.

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Ironically, the most playful and loving of all snakes is the Death Adder.

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Herpetologists think that snake venom evolved from gastric juices, because nothing dissolves food into a nutritive slurry like neurotoxin.

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A snake is just as afraid of you as you are of it; therefore, when a mamba is chasing you, by logic, you are not afraid of it at all.

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A “rattlesnake roundup” involves thousands of rattlesnakes being eaten, skinned or just put into vast writhing crowded pits. The roundup was created as a public service for people who cannot visualize well enough to create their own nightmares.

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The Saw-scaled Viper kills more people than any other snake making it the deadliest snake in the world; however, its bite is fatal only twenty percent of the time. This means that the Saw-scaled Viper is also the busiest snake in the world.

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The deadly Russell’s Viper has the loudest hiss of any snake which is why a great many of its victims report that they’ve been bitten by a locomotive…

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Many species of cobra deliver a “dry bite” about half the time. A dry bite is one where no venom is delivered. A simple way of telling if a dry bite has been delivered is to boil wheat paste for about an hour: If you are still alive at the end of that hour, it was probably a dry bite.

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Boomslang” is a misnomer. This snake has never been known to sling a boom…

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The Eastern Diamondback is the heaviest venomous snake in North America; but, it isn’t polite to point that out.

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If you DO have to receive a dose of anti-venom, DON’T WASTE IT. Find a snake of that same breed and slap it, kick it and taunt it. It may bite you over and over, but what do you care? You are immune. As the exhausted serpent looks up at you with confusion in its eyes while you take an indelible marker and draw glasses and a mustache on its face, remember to ask it, “Where’s your god, now?”

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7 thoughts on “Tips on Venomous Snakes

  1. You’re a crazy, crazy person. And I like that.

    PS Your use of the names of snakes in this post make me think that some of what you’ve said is true… can you confirm/deny?

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Russel’s viper IS considered the loudest snake. The Eastern Diamondback is the heaviest venomous snake in North America. The “dry-bite” remark was true.

    You have to have facts to make fun of things…

    Liked by 1 person

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